MS. AGREEABLE Tears were shed when at the end of last year when Melody Maker finally folded under pressure. But few could have predicted the effect the closure would have on certain members of the Seething team... Katie

All the people expecting a rehash of the NME's frankly fuckin' lacklustre bollock-licking Mr Agreeable, stop reading now! This is gonna get fuckin' bitchy.

This issue: Toploader

The spread of foot and mouth is worrying the whole fucking world of rock, and why? Because so incapable and useless fucking virgins of pop today that they have taken to fucking sheep. Kill 'em! Kill 'em all!!!

So as I sliced up and burned the carcasses of S Club 7 (and you thought they were just smoking dope), whilst watching the middle of the road toss of VH1, I heard a mention of the fucking lanky pube-haired cunts themselves and their apparent fucking success. Bullshit! Apparently the dozy, doped up bastards have shifted shitloads of records, despite have their head pubes so firmly fuckin' velcroed to their nuts, you can't tell whether they're talking out of their shit-spouting gobs, or their equally shit spouting arseholes. Although with most of the whiny bollocks the British Industry of Musical Bullshit have been opening out this year, the public started showering them with large frigging scud missile turds after their "success". Toploader have apparently achieved this without the usual honeymoon period of critical tit-sucking. Ha ha ha!!! Those snotty nosed wankers were showered with shit, piss, vomit and hatred throughout their career and somehow still managed to shift their monstrous, arse-licking catsick of a record. How? Because they encouraged the tone-fucking-deaf trendy population that their "Big Moka" would sit nicely next to that infamous pop monfucking-strosity Steps!!! I'll show you where you can stick your big fucking mokas, you precious arse-sniffing tossers, but there's no room cos your big fucking ego-shagging head already live there!!!!!!!!

CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!