ROCK MIDGETS SUMMER FESTIVAL AWARDS 2001

This year's Rock Midgets Festival Awards were awash with great bands vying for our covetted Dings (we're too broke to afford Gongs). A particularly difficult choice this year was our 'Best Beard' category, which this year featured entries from three seperate genres.


BEST FESTIVAL LIGGER:
Jon Nickson from Atom Tan webzine, for managing to spend the entirety of Green Day and Papa Roach's sets onstage, without being caught by festival security.

BEST DRUNKEN STEAL:
A blue golf flag. Which someone else had nicked from a golf course in Halifax.

BEST SET:
Hell Is For Heroes.

BEST MOMENT:
Finding a hot shower.

WORST MOMENT:
When some bright spark planning the festival thought "I know, cos someone decided to burn down the toilets last year, this year we'll decide to put them right in the middle of the tents. So if they go up again, everyone else will go with them!".

BEST STAGE SHOW:
Marilyn Manson. Because you can't argue with a man in a sixty foot dress, can you?

BEST INTERVIEWEES:
Stampin Ground, for providing us with a comprehensive interview and taking such good care of Emily.

STALKERS OF THE SUMMER:
Seafood, particularly David Line for stalking Katie, Thalia and I around the Carling Tent twice at Leeds, then managing to surround us without our even noticing.

DONKEY OF THE FESTIVAL:
Katie. For yelling out "Oooh! There's the bassist from Seafood!"... not realising she was standing right next to the drummer and behind the lead singer. Well done...

BIGGEST SURPRISE:
Godhead for not making a travesty out of their cover of 'Eleanor Rigby'.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT:
A tie between Voy and Eminem. You suck.

FOCUS AWARD THIS YEAR - BEST BEARD:
Competition was tough this year. E from Eels receives a special recommendation this year for tailoring his entire outfit around his beard. However, while stylishly maintained, neat, and well-maintained and accessorised, it lacked something in originality.

A special recommendation also goes out to Nick Olivieri from Queens Of The Stone Age for his attempt on the familiar 'Half-Merlin', a familiar classic rock and metal style. The 'Full-Merlin' is a beard rarely witnessed in rock, as one would assume it would get in the way of guitar strings, drums, etc. The one record of the 'Full-Merlin' that we have heard purports to commedian, guitarist and father of the prodigal ad lib, Bill Bailey (notable composer of 'Hats Off To The Badgers' and 'Human Slaves In An Insect Nation (ah-ah ah-ah-ah)'), who once stated (to paraphrase)... "...well, actually, what I'd like to do is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and play it like a harp..." Other than this the only other records we have refer to the 'Three-Quarter Merlin', ably demonstrated by ZZ Top. Rock Midgets writer Thalia, as noted in previous issues of Seething Little Monsters has her very own beard in tribute to the band, but only wears in on special occasions.

However, the overall winner for style and originality goes to Beau Beau from Avail. Large enough to lose a badger in, flowing enough to not drag during his frenetic onstage dancing, yet with only the residual maintennance, Beau Beau's beard still retains a style all of it's own.


Congratulations to all our winners, and commiserations to our losers. Commiserations also to Jez, who sadly despite showing up at the Leeds festival with a beard, was not seen by any of our team, and hence was ineligible for the BEST BEARD award.

Sorry mate!